Kia Ora bloggers
Today I am going to show you some of my writing I completed this week. We got a picture and had to write a story and do some extra tasks about it. You do not have to read all of my writing because it is 444 words long. I have put in bold my favourite part the reason it is my favourite part in that it has the most action.
What feedback could you give me on this?
Blog you later
Joe
Writing:
| The sun beams down on the Zeppa 2040 as it moves silently across the treetops. Sadly in the distance the dark cold clouds are sneaking up behind them. The wind whistles jumping around like a pod of dolphins. “Ruff” The silence broke as the dog barked and the phone rang “How is the Zeppa going!” said the scientist madly on the phone captain answered ‘ It’s going mighty fine’ murmured captain. A brown sausage shaped balloon sits on top of the amazing Zeppa 2040. The blinding ball at the bottom of the Zeppa 2040 shines like a million stars. It also has a rickety old ladder and an ancient turbine. The captain was eating his cereal and gazing at the fantastic view. There were lots of trees below and one stood out as it was red with bits of black and it was scaly. The dog barked loudly. When suddenly everyone spotted a giant red and black dragon. The scaly dragon swoops around them and grins mischievously. The Inventor shrieks frantically, the dog barks loudly and the test subjects are just waking up. The inventor needed test subjects to test how many humans it could hold and the family was poor and the inventor was paying them and they really needed that money so they accepted. The dragon swooped and sored and flame shot out of the dragon mouth Fiercely but then something happened that was extradernary… The captain jumped out courageously and pulled the dragon’s tail. The dragon fell to the ground. Luckily the captain jumped back up to the Zeppa just in time. But the dragon ponces up again and pops the sausage shaped balloon the Zeppa 2040 darts down as fast as light to a rocky canoun “You have doomed us all!” yelled the captain over the sound of the dragon roaring. “Bye.” said the Inventor as he hung up. Suddenly the dog threw some red meat overboard. Then the dragon innocently caught it and with its big wings it flew the Zeppa to safety everyone on the Zeppa was certainly pleased with the dog! “ Well what are we gonna name it!” said Captain. “You mean the dragon?” said the kids from the test subject family. “ Well yeah,” said Captain. The children started blurting out names like never before “ Night wing!” “Firehead!” “Hot sauce!” “Dragon Mc Drag Drop head face!!”. They finally decided on Flinch because that was their family name. Then they flew home on their new pet Flich. On the Zeppa 2040 it did not make the cut. The inventor is still working on his real passion and making something called a plane. Luckily everyone got home safely. |
